A full breakdown Kris Jenner would be proud of.
Before we get started, let’s be clear: You clicked on this link by your own free will, unless you were momentarily possessed by the demonic spirit of Jonathan Cheban. So that means no complaining about how there’s another Kardashian article on BuzzFeed.
We write ’em and you keep on reading ’em. It’s called the law of supply and demand, PEOPLE.
You’re probably aware of this week’s big celebrity news. Khloé Kardashian has given birth to a baby girl, her first child! But what should be a happy event has turned sour amidst allegations the baby’s father, Tristan Thompson, has been CHEATING on Khloé. It’s all very messy.
But how did we (Khloé, Tristan, and the rest of us who continually get played by Kris Jenner like puppets) get here? I’m here to fill in the blanks. So buckle your seat belts and fill your lips in with some “Say No More” Kylie Lip Kit, because our tale Kris-krosses the globe from the mean streets of Calabasas to the shining lights of Cleveland.
Before we dive in, I’d like to give a huge shout out to Kardashian expert extraordinaire Mariah Smith — Kris Jenner better watch her back (or put Mariah on the family payroll), because she knows where the proverbial bodies are buried. Give her a follow!
In September 2016, the two vacation in Mexico for Labor Day. “Romantic trip to Cabo” in celebrity parlance means things are heating up fast, FYI.
That same month, Khloé and Tristan start officially stepping out in public together. They hang out at Flo Rida’s birthday party in Miami, a Drake concert, and with Kris. Yup, at this point Khloé’s mom (and the only reality TV business expert I’d ever vote for for president, *wink*) has met the BF.
But because this is the Kardashians we’re talking about, you know there has to be a dramatic plot twist that even Shakespeare couldn’t dream up. All while things are heating up with Khloé, Tristan is expecting a child with ex-girlfriend Jordan Craig. SHE IS IN THE THIRD TRIMESTER WHILE ALL THIS IS HAPPENING, FYI.
Her baby shower is in October 2016, and she looks absolutely glowing in the above picture posted by her cousin Eniko Hart, Kevin Hart’s wife. We don’t know for sure if Tristan left a very pregnant Jordan for Khloé but the signs do not look good!
*ALSO* in October 2016, Khloé posts this picture with her hand over Tristan’s (he’s an NBA champion, she’s an Instagram champion, it all checks out)…
Khloé continues to take the relationship public through November. In an interview with Jimmy Kimmel, she discusses how much she’s been enjoying spending time in Cleveland (FWIW, save your jokes because Cleveland people LOVE Cleveland…it’s a thing).
She reveals to Kimmel that she is in Cleveland “very often,” and she “really likes” being in the city because she is “under the radar” when she visits.
And she’s not just talk! Khloé spends Thanksgiving in Ohio with Tristan, helping out at a Turkey Drive on the holiday.
Legit I would think I was tripping if Khloé Kardashian handed me a turkey on Thanksgiving.
December 2016 is a big month for all parties involved. On December 9, Khloé’s divorce with Lamar Odom is finalized.
Michael Buckner / Getty Images
A few days later on December 12, Jordan gives birth to her son with Tristan, Prince Oliver Craig Thompson.
And after celebrating Christmas Eve (at her mom’s legendary party) with her family in California, Khloé flew to Cleveland to spend the holiday with Tristan.
Tristan captions this picture, “Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays from me and mines, to you and yours.”
Some serious gifts were exchanged!
As if leaving California in December to fly to OHIO didn’t scream their relationship was serious, Khloé told James Corden in January 2017 that she and Tristan have used the “L” word (love, you dummies) with each other. Okurrrrrrrrr!
Also this month, Tristan appears for the first time on Keeping Up With The Kardashians during the Season 13 premiere, although the episode would have actually been filmed in September 2016 at the beginning of their relationship.
Showing up on KUWTK is the Kardashian version of bringing someone home to meet your parents.
In April, Khloé continues to gush about Tristan in an interview with ES Magazine, saying his “normalcy is what I was craving.”
She also goes on to say, “Tristan’s morals and ethics are everything I’ve wanted and need in my life.” YOU IN DANGER, GIRL.
In June 2017, Tristan throws Khloé a birthday party. I have nothing to add other than the infamous Kardashian photo booth (yes the one with the AMAZING lighting that makes your face look FLAWLESS) is there.
A month later, TMZ breaks the news that Khloé is expecting. If TMZ reports something……..it’s true.
You might remember that at the time, Khloé was the third sister to be expecting, along with Kylie and Kim (via surrogate). It was kind of crazy!
But to the public, everything seems to be going fine. For Halloween 2017, Khloé dressed up as Daenerys Targaryen and Tristan as Khal Drogo.
Side note: WHEN did Khaleesi ever wear a fur ensemble like that?! HAS SHE EVEN SEEN AN EPISODE OF GAME OF THRONES?!
On December 20, Khloé finally announces her pregnancy with Tristan (on Instagram, DUH).
Let’s skip a few months to March 2018. Khloé has a baby shower (which is #SponCon, of course, thanks to Amazon).
At the beginning of this week, Khloé posted this picture to Instagram with the caption, “We are ready whenever you are little mama,” which everyone seemed to believe meant that her delivery was imminent.
AND THAT’S WHEN SHIT HIT THE FAN. Footage of Tristan with another woman from this month PLUS the October footage leaks and…it’s not good.
My colleague Sylvia Obell has an EXCELLENT breakdown of this week’s events which you can read here. It fills in a lot of the details of what has gone down over the past few days.
Khloé was allegedly “distraught” when she saw the footage, according to E! News.
She allegedly “begged” to come back to L.A., but was not permitted to by her doctor. Additionally, the source (AKA probably Kris Jenner frantically texting from a Cleveland hospital) told E! that Khloé will “never be able to trust Tristan again” and that her “world is shattered.”
Interesting enough, Jordan Craig posted this note to her Instagram story, seeming to indicate she was not here for anyone who said what was happening to Khloé was karma.
Jordan Craig / Instagram
And hell and Calabasas froze over, because Khloé’s former enemy Amber Rose also took to Instagram to seemingly show support for the mom-to-be.
Amber Rose / Instagram
And that brings us to our final destination (FOR NOW), today. Khloé has given birth to a baby girl. Tristan was there for the delivery, along with Kris, Kim, Kourtney, and Khloé’s BFF Malika according to TMZ. My only question is………what happens next?! Only time (and Kris Jenner as E! News’ “source”) will tell!
Khloé Kardashian / Instagram
Anyway, WHEW, that was a lot of information to process. Kongrats to Khloé, men are trash, and I need a mother-Krissing DRINK! Anyone want to join me?