I don’t run up stairs when I’m NOT being chased, so I’m not starting now.
Continue to live in a cabin in the woods/an obviously haunted house when shit starts to go down.
I wouldn’t stay in a well-lit, crowded restaurant if the walls suddenly started bleeding.
American International Pictures
Hear a noise and say, “Oh, it’s probably nothing.”
It’s 100% something.
Then proceed to “investigate” that sound, alone, usually in a dark room.
Did you not graduate from Kindergarten? USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM.
Answer doors late at night when people knock.
If you’re not expecting company, just don’t.
Answer phones late at night when they’re not expecting a call.
Save money on your phone bill by avoiding absolutely everyone.
Allow for creepy-ass dolls to live in their house.
And read from old books that seem incredibly questionable.
Reading is fundamental, but context clues will help you keep the dead from eating your face.
Have sex, no matter how terrible an idea it seems.
I’m all for a good time, but come on, there’s a time and a place.
Limply hold a weapon in their hand while sobbing, instead of running away.
At least, like, hold it with purpose?
Literally forget how to move like a normal human being when they finally start to run.
Bend your knees, sweetie!
Run up the stairs when the front door is only, like, three feet away from them.
I refuse to run up stairs when I’m NOT being chased, why would I start when my life depends on it?
And, when they finally get outside, they run straight to their car without their keys like an idiot.*
*TBH, Get Out is the only exception to this one.
Tripping over thin air when the killer is only feet behind them.
I’m as uncoordinated as the next person, but you think you’d be a little more cognizant of your surroundings with a masked killer right behind you.
New Line Cinema
Then proceeding to crawl the rest of the way instead of getting up and running more.
Corner themselves for absolutely no reason by hiding under a bed or in a closet.
Like my ass is fitting under a bed in the first place.
Compass International Pictures
Yelling for help when they should be quiet for their own safety.
Why are you like this?
And, of course, suggesting everyone “split up” when that makes zero sense.
This ain’t Scooby-Doo.