I’m not a music critic, just a gay man with taste.
“Do Ya Thang” — Rihanna
Album: Talk That Talk (2011)
Tea: Who couldn’t love a poolside bop about loving your open relationship? Unfortunately, Do Ya Thang was pushed to track No. 13 on the deluxe version of Talk That Talk. Homophobic!
“Touch It” — Ariana Grande
Album: Dangerous Woman (2016)
Tea: I’m actually jealous if you haven’t listened to this song before! The first time I listened to this buried sex anthem, I had multiple orgasms and came out of my ear holes. This should’ve been released as the album’s lead single instead of “Dangerous Woman.” I SAID IT!
“I Didn’t Come Here To Dance” — Carly Rae Jepsen
Album: E•MO•TION (2015)
Tea: In 2015, Carly Rae Jepsen deliveredeth the best pop album of the decade and her perfect collection of work was entirely undervalued. Though “I Didn’t Come Here To Dance” was set up to fail as track No. 14 on the de•luxe edition, it’s a certified dance-floor anthem that would’ve smashed if gays ran the world.
“Why Don’t You Love Me” — Beyoncé
Album: I Am… Sasha Fierce (2010)
Tea: Luckily for us, this bonus track (written by Solange!!!) was given the video treatment and delivered one of Beyoncé’s GREATEST visuals to-date. Between Bey dusting off her Grammys and literally every outfit choice, we’re lucky this retro-inspired video even exists.
“Act My Age” — Katy Perry
Album: Witness (2016)
Tea: Katy’s team really fucked up with this one!!! Who decided this single-worthy track was best suited as a TARGET exclusive? This was the sound we wanted from Katy in 2017 because, well, it’s that distinctive Katy Perry sound! ~Bon appétit~ to everyone who didn’t buy Witness from Target, because this track is delicious.
“Sex With Me” — Rihanna
Album: Anti (2016)
Tea: Do I have to say much about Rihanna rap-singing over a beat about how iconic sex with her is? “Sex With Me” so amasin’.
“Up N’ Down” — Britney Spears
Album: Femme Fatale (2010)
Tea: I could write a whole post just about Britney Spears’ bonus tracks because they’re simply in a whole ‘nother league. Anygay, “Up N’ Down” is a 20/10 beat-slingin’ pop track plucked straight from one her most successful eras. Did the room just get sexy?
“Addicted” — Madonna
Album: Rebel Heart (2015)
Tea: Rebel Heart had its ~moments~ and unfortunately, one of its best moments was shelved onto A COMPLETELY SEPARATE DISC. I don’t know how it happened but “Addicted” is one of my top played songs of all time??? I guess I’m addicted, I’m, I’m addicted.
“Standing On The Sun” — Beyoncé
Album: Beyoncé (2013)
Tea: Before Beyoncé surprise-dropped her fifth studio album, Bey starred in an H&M commercial flinging sand in the air to this tropical bop. Surprisingly, the song never made it onto the original tracklist when the album arrived on iTunes at 12 a.m. EST, and I will NEVER understand why! Luckily, Bey released the full/remix version of the song on the re-release of Beyoncé in 2014. Blessed.
“Emotional” — Kesha
Album: Rainbow (2017)
Tea: “Emotional” is easily one of Kesha’s rawest and most honest tracks! It serves as a beautiful hate-note to Dr. Luke and all the fucked-up shit he put her though. It would’ve been a perfect fit on the standard track list of Rainbow but for some reason, it only saw a release as a Japanese bonus track. Maybe because Dr. Fluke still controls all of her music?!!! Where’s the justice?
“Getting Warmer” — Gwen Stefani
Album: This Is What The Truth Feels Like (2016)
Tea: Gwen Sefani released a solid pop album in 2016 and, for the most part, it was completely ignored! Even though she started dating Bl*ke Sh*lt*n, the album didn’t deserve to be AS ignored as it was! Anyway, this Target bonus track is a standout with a funky breakdown that sounds like it was plucked straight from a NES video game. Maybe it’s just the gaymer in me, but we stan!
“Bobblehead” — Xtina
Album: Bionic (2010)
Tea: Yes, I do agree with Xtina that Bionic was (mostly) before its time! The album didn’t deserve to flop quite like it did but until a millennial gay can time travel, history has been written. I’ve been a fan of this Floponic bonus track since its release, and even though I don’t think this diss track would’ve saved the era if it were released, it’s definitely a bop for the Stair Master!
“Me & My Girls” — Selena Gomez
Album: Revival (2015)
Tea: Love her or hate her, Selena Gomez’s Revival ushered in moody, icy era for pop music, thanks to her career-defining lead single “Good For You.” Bonus track “Me & My Girls” tapped into Gomez’s Mexican roots while delivering a spicy anthem for a girl’s night-out, sans dick. “Me & My Girls” could’ve smashed but her label, unfortunately, threw the gem into bonus track territory. TALE AS OLD AS TIME.
“Two Years Ago” — Ellie Goulding
Album: Delrium (2015)
Tea: Here we are again, talking about ANOTHER Target-exclusive track. Unlike the others on the list, this one’s a ballad and it’s a CRYER. With a gorgeous build-up, this heart-wrenching power ballad shows off Ellie’s vocals with rare vulnerability. The song’s all about the realization that you’re finally moving on from a past love…OR ARE YOU!?
“Outta This World” — Britney Spears
Album: Blackout (2007)
Tea: This song is actual art. L’ART!!! I honestly don’t think Britney has ever sounded MORE gorgeous than she does on this Blackout bonus track. Despite everything she was going through in 2007, we were given a career-defining and surprisingly personal album from Britney. Even more surprisingly, we were given this mid-tempo love song during a love-less time for Brit, criminally buried at the bottom of the tracklist.