Spoiler: Robin Hood was skeezier than you thought.
First, there’s the beginning of the movie, when Shrek very obviously implies that fairy tales are a load of shit…
As Shrek reads a fairy tale during the opening shot, he rips off a page from the book and presumably uses it as toilet paper while saying, “Like that’s ever going to happen. What a load of…”
The part when Shrek and Donkey discuss Lord Farquaad’s physical endowment…
If you first watched Shrek as a kid, you probably definitely didn’t understand this line when Shrek and Donkey were making fun of Lord Farquaad and his overly huge castle and asked each other, “Do you think maybe he’s compensating for something?”
And, of course, when the official Duloc welcome anthem plays…
“Please stay off of the grass, shine your shoes, wipe your…**face**”
When Robin Hood lets it slip about his true intentions for rescuing damsels in distress…
“I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid,” he sings in maybe the most epic cartoon French accent. The Merry Men then fill in the next line: “What he’s basically saying is he likes to get…paid.” Except, ya know, they really mean **laid**.
When Lord Farquaad is looking at pictures of Fiona in the mirror, and he has to, uh, adjust his grip on the blanket that covers his lap.
Your parents definitely knew what was going on here.
When we realize the fate that beheld the Mother Bear we saw captured earlier in the movie…
When Shrek overhears Donkey having a ~sexy~ dream…
“Come on, baby, you know I like it like that…” 😳
When the Magic Mirror is talking about Snow White and jokes, “Although she lives with seven other men, she’s not easy.”
In Shrek 2, when Pinnochio is wearing a thong…
It comes in handy to save Shrek and his friends, but like……….at what cost to our childhood, you guys??
And when castle guards find a little bag of catnip on Puss in Boots…
A shakedown you definitely didn’t understand as a child.
When Prince Charming finds the Big Bad Wolf alone with some…bedside reading.
Never unseeing that magazine cover, hbu?
When Shrek’s pants fall down, and the damsels look super pleased with what they see…
In the beginning of Shrek the Third, when Donkey pulls the covers off of Shrek and then screams…
Apparently, Shrek likes to sleep au natural.
And finally, when a group of students roll up in the medieval equivalent of a Volkswagen bus.
And they open the door to let out some smoke, and you overhear someone saying, “Hey, bro, don’t burn all my frankincense and myrrh.” Classic.
This post was translated from Spanish.